Exercise: Acceptance and letting go
This exercise is intended to support situations in which past events, relationships, or experiences evoke strong and overwhelming emotions, such as:
- Anger, resentment, or rage toward the injustice of the world or toward a person who has caused suffering to you or your loved ones
- Guilt about your own behavior or shame about what has happened
- Overwhelming grief
- Shame about yourself or a loved one
- Disappointment that feels difficult to let go of
- Defining yourself and your future primarily through what you have had to face earlier in life
It is common to feel intense emotions—such as anger, disappointment, grief, guilt, or shame—toward a painful situation, event, or person.
Feeling emotions is a good and important thing. However, carrying them with you for too long can become too heavy and negatively affect your quality of life. This is why it is important to learn how to let go and accept the facts as they are.
An alternative, of course, is to resist: “this cannot be true!” In traumatic situations, denial can be a natural phase of survival. But in order to move forward, what has happened must eventually be accepted as part of your life story. Some people remain unhappy, become bitter, constantly seek validation for painful emotions, or act impulsively under their influence. In doing so, they give power to their emotions and to the event or person that originally caused the problem. The situation itself, however, does not change. Acceptance means taking ownership of your response, and letting go is a conscious choice.
We accept the things we cannot change. We accept reality on all levels—heart, mind, and body—by acknowledging the facts. This does not mean that you have to approve of what happened, endure it, forgive it, or like it. Acceptance is not surrender or giving up. You do not have to forgive or accept the event itself. Things simply are as they are now. What happened has happened, and we cannot change it.
Reflect:
- What is one small thing you could practice accepting—today or this week?
You can start with minor or less significant issues, such as the weather, a strong-willed child, or work stress. - What is one important thing in your life that you may need to accept?
Reflect on it and acknowledge the emotions connected to it. Consider whether you might already be able to accept it. - Make a choice and make an agreement with yourself about acceptance. You are doing this for yourself and your well-being. Breathe consciously and stay present in this moment.
Allow anger, bitterness, or other negative emotions related to the situation to pass. Think about or write down the things you dream of, the things you do—or want to do—in your life once the event becomes part of the past and you have accepted it as it is.
The mind wanders easily. Negative emotions may return again and again. Be persistent, and gently guide your mind back toward acceptance. Sometimes this must be done repeatedly.
